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Alice in Wonderland - 1965 - EMI Records

Lyrics by Norman Newell
© 1965/1993 by EMI Records Ltd./Ardmore & Beechwood Ltd.


All on a Golden Afternoon - The Lissa Gray Singers

All on a golden afternoon
Sun shining like a toy balloon
When weeping willows hear the sighs
Of the contented dragonflies

Imagination take your hand
Lead you to find the Wonderland
We all grow up far too soon
Let's share this golden afternoon


Readin', 'Ritin' and 'Rithmetic - Karen Dotrice

Reading, writing and arithmetic are such an awful bore
Reading, writing and arithmetic are not what little girls are for
Add it up, subtract, add it up, subtract
Now multiply by nine
I don't want to work any more, any more
I want to go and play with Dinah

Dinah is my cat, she's a funny little cat
The sweetest, furriest, purriest cat
She's got silky ears and big green eyes
And splendid whiskers of enormous size
Add it up, subtract, add it up, subtract
Now multiply by nine
I don't want to work any more, any more
I want to go and play with Dinah

She follows me around a silky shadow of fur
There's never been a lady-in-waiting like her
But when I have my dreary lessons to do
Dinah goes off to chase a leaf or two
Add it up, subtract, add it up, subtract
Now multiply by nine
I don't want to work any more, any more
I want to go and play with Dinah

Cats like humans are curious mixtures
They don't like books without any pictures


Decisions - Kenneth Connor

Decisions, decisions, I've got to make decisions
I don't know what to do with the day
Shall I fill it with memories, or shall I throw it away?
Decisions, decisions, I've got to make decisions
There isn't really time to delay
Shall I sit under the apple trees, or go and play in the hay?

There's a meeting of the Rabbit Guild
In Farmer Turner's turnip field
I really think I ought to attend
And yet upon the other hand
My services are in demand
I've got a broken hedge I ought to mend

Decisions, decisions, I've got to make decisions
I've really got to get on my way
A rabbit's life is a busy life
I've got to make decisions
It's not use having visions
I've got to make decisions today


The Mad Hatter's Tea Party (including The M Song) - Bruce Forsyth, Karen Dotrice, Fenella Fielding and Tommy Cooper

No room, no room, there's not a bit of room
So go away and play
No room, no room, there's not a bit of room
No tea for you today
No tea for you today

"Go back to sleep, Dormouse."

There's plenty of room, plenty of room
I'm sitting here, so there
There's plenty of room, plenty of room
So I'm sitting in this chair

"What chair?"
"What chair?"
"What chair?"
"What chair?"
"What chair?"
"What chair?"

I never saw a chair, I never saw a chair
Whoever saw a chair that wasn't there?

"You know perfectly well there's a chair there and you should stand up and let a lady sit down. You're very ignorant."
"Your hair needs cutting. Ignorant? What's ignorant?"
"Ignorant? What's ignorant?"

You don't know what ignorant is; that's ignorant
It's ignorant if you don't know what ignorant is
That's ignorant

"If you don't know what ignorant is, that's very ignorant."
"I thought that bloomin' Dormouse would start."

I'm glad to see someone agrees with me

"What day of the month is is?"
"The fourth, I think."
"Oh dear, my watch is two days wrong. I told you butter wouldn't suit the works, March Hare."
"It was the best butter, you know."

Won't you have some wine?
I don't see any wine
There isn't any wine so you may have some of mine

"Come on, pass your glass."
"To ask a guest to have some wine when there isn't any is very ignorant."
"Ignorant? What's ignorant?"
"Ignorant? What's ignorant?"

You don't know what ignorant is; that's ignorant
It's ignorant if you don't know what ignorant is
That's ignorant

"If you don't know what ignorant is, that's very ignorant."
"I wish he'd nod right off."

Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Why is a raven like a writing desk?
I love riddles; they're splendid fun
Do you mean to say you can answer one?

Of course I can, I mean to say
Mean to say? Say what you mean
Mean to say, say what you mean
It's exactly the same either way

Not the same a bit, I don't agree
Not the same a bit, I don't agree
You might as well say "I see what I eat
Is exactly the same as I eat what I see"

Or I like what I get is a get what I like
Or I breathe when I sleep is I sleep when I breathe
It's the same with you; you're never awake
Oh, stop all this nonsense for goodness' sake

"Oh, that Dormouse is asleep again."
"Well pour a little hot tea on his nose. Have you guessed the riddle yet?"
"No, I give up. What's the answer?"
"I haven't the slightest idea."
"Nor I."
"To ask questions without knowing the answer is very ignorant."

"Oh, tell us a story, Dormouse. And be quick about it or you'll be asleep before it's done."

Once upon a time there were three little sisters
Living at the bottom of a well
There was Elsie and Lacie and overweight Tillie
But it's silly to live in a well

"What did they live on?"

On treacle, on treacle, on treacle
On treacle they all got their fill
Oh no, that's not true; if they all lived on treacle
They'd have been very, very ill

So they were I'm afraid; each poor little maid
On treacle was very, very ill --

"Why did they live in a well?"
"Take some more tea?"
"I've had nothing yet, so how can I take more?"
"You mean you can't take less. It's very easy to take more than nothing."
"Nobody asked your opinion."
"Don't make personal remarks; it's ignorant."
"Yeah, it's ignorant."
"Ignorant? What's ignorant?"
"Ignorant? What's ignorant?"

You don't know what ignorant is; that's ignorant
It's ignorant if you don't know what ignorant is
That's ignorant

"Why did they live at the bottom of a well?"
"It was a treacle well."
"There's no such thing."
"These three little sisters were learning to draw."
"Learning to draw? What did they draw?"
"They were learning to draw -- treacle, for sure."
"Where did they draw the treacle from?"
"You can draw water from a water well, so you can draw treacle from a treacle well."
"But they were in the well."
"Of course they were; well in. They were learning to draw everything beginning with an M."
"Why with an M?"
"Why not? M is a very nice letter."

M is for marvellous, don't you agree?
For M is the letter for me
M is for manners and where you're concerned
There are none that I can see

M is for mad as a hatter they say
But why not 'cause I think it's sad
The world would be such a magnificent place
Were we all just a little but mad

"I've got an M."

M is for empire
It's definitely not, for empire begins with an E
Well, why don't they speak like they sound, can't you see?
It's all so confusing to me

"Oh, I think M is a lovely letter."

M is for memory and mousetrap and moonlight
And M is for muchness and mean
M is for magic and mushrooms and mischief
And M is for making a scene
Madam and mama and milkmaid and miss
Marshmallow, marzipan, Michaelmas and May
We could go on 'til forever like this
M is for marbles, but who wants to play?

"I want to play marbles."
"I want a clean cup. Let's all move one place on."
"Hey! I've got an M."
"Yes?"
"M is for emphasis."
"No, that's an E."
"Oh."

M is for magpie and mascot and minute
And M is for muddle and mess
M is for mermaid and meadow and mackerel
And M is for much more or less
Minute and Mary and Monday and moth
Millionaire, marmalade, muffins for tea
Mulligatawny and minestrone broth
M is for Mediterranean sea

"Hey! I've got another M."
"Yes?"
"Emigrate."
"No, that's an E."
"Oh."

M is for millions of marvellous minutes
On merry-go-rounds in the spring
M is for menu and I'm getting hungry
For I haven't eaten a thing


Wonderland - Karen Dotrice and the Lissa Gray Singers

It's such a wonderful, wonderful day
In such a magical, marvellous way
Is it possible all this can be
Happening to me?

The world is all topsy-turvy and yet
This is a day I shall never forget
Is the world dressed in wonderful dreams
Just for me?

If you should tell me the whole world is crazy
Then crazy I want it to be
Dancing around in a daydream
Who needs reality?

Although the world may have riches untold
You'll find find your dreams are more precious than gold
For you're poor if you don't understand
Wonderland


Love Makes the World Go Round - Beryl Reid

Love makes the world go round
Like a roundabout
Love is the only thing
We can't live without
When you spread happiness
I have always found
Love will come back to you
As the world goes round

Love is music, love is laughter
Love is happy ever after
Love is living, love is giving
Giving joy to all the world

For you know love makes the world go round
Round and round and round
Love is forever more
Share it all around

Love makes the world go round --


I'll Have You Executed on the Spot - Arthur Haynes and Peggy Mount

I'll have you executed on the spot
Whether you did the dirty deed or not
I'll have you executed
Off with your head or "shooted"
I'll have you executed on the spot
Oh yes, I'll have you executed on the spot

I'll have you executed on the spot
In fact I think I'll execute the lot
I'll have you executed
Off with your head or "shooted"
I'll have you executed on the spot
Oh yes, I'll have you executed on the spot


I Remember the Incident (including Conclusions) - Kenneth Connor

I remember the incident very well
I was sleeping at the time
There was lots of talk but nothing to tell
So we told it all in mime

I was swimming up a cobbled street
With water in my ears
And when I saw the ghastly feat
I dried the street with tears

It's upside-down and inside-out
And plain as plain can be
Now you know what it's all about
Give the verdict, Your Majesty

Conclusions, conclusions, I've got to reach conclusions
I don't know what to think or to say
Shall I reach an agreement, or shall I answer with "nay"?
Opinions, opinions, I've got to have opinions
There really isn't time to delay
Shall I say whether it's right or wrong, or go and play in the hay?


Alice in Wonderland (or What's a Nice Kid Like You Doing in a Place Like This?) - 1966 - Hanna Barbera

Lyrics by Lee Adams
© 1965 by Strada Corporation


Life's a Game - Howard Morris and Doris Drew

Life's a game, so what the heck,
Jump in up to your neck;
Get in the swim and you will see
Things will go swimmingly.

Life's a game, come on and play,
It's a good badminton day;
Let's try a set;
You be the net!

Shape up! Live now!
And not a speck -- later;
Get in! And win!
Why be a mere spectator?

Life's a game, so try your luck,
Go chase a hockey puck!
Go fly a kite, or play roulette,
Or if you're chicken, "play croquet"
That's a "wicket" joke, but don't forget
That life's a game.

Life's a game, so what the heck,
Jump in up to your neck;
Get in the swim and you will see
Things will go swimmingly.

Life is like a game of quoits,
'Cause when you lose it "hoits";
Don't ever quit!
Tag, you're it!

Play nice, play fair!
Play billiards or play snooker;
And here's a cue:
Don't be a mere onlooker!

Life's a game, a great charade,
A coo-coo masquerade!
Go climb a tree and if you fall,
Just bounce back like a basketball.
You win, you lose, but after all --
Life's a game! --


What's a Nice Kid Like You Doing in a Place Like This? - Sammy Davis, Jr./Scatman Crothers

What's a nice kid like you doing in a place like this?
What's a nice kid like you doing in a place like this?
With those saddle shoes, well I must confess,
You look as though you fell into the wrong address!
What's a nice kid like you doing in a place like this?

Why's a nice kid like you soloing so far from home?
How'd a nice kid like you get in her head to roam?
With those baby blues and that mellow smile,
The minute you walked in, I said "She's got style!"
Why's a nice kid like you soloing so far from home?

What's a nice kid like you doing in a place like this?
What's a nice kid like you doing in a place like this?
I got a hunch you won't like it here,
The potato chips are soggy and they water the beer
What's a nice kid like you doing in a place like this?
You could be in pictures with that cute little face,
So how come you're hangin' 'round this funky place!
What's a nice kid like you doing in a place like this?
Doing in a place like this? ...


They'll Never Split Us Apart - Mel Blanc and Henry Corden

They'll never split us apart,
They'll never break up the team,
They'll never bust up the act and that's a fact!
We're just like butter and bread,
We're just like ice cream and cake,
I ask you could we be closer?
No, sir.

So let them try all they like,
They'll never split us apart,
Just let that orchestra start and there we'll be! --
As long as these old straw hats still fit us
And those hot spotlights hit us,
They'll never split us apart!

"Say Barney, remember that termite on the bill at the old Hippodrome?"
"Yeah, that was a boring act. Whatever happened to him anyway?"
"He left the business. Now he's in a housing project in Kansas City."

We'll make you laugh, (ho ho ho)
We'll make you cry, (boo hoo hoo)
We'll make you kiss (smack smack) your troubles goodbye! --

"A-one-sy and a-two-sy, boy, that last turn was a doosy"
"This shuffle is a killer, even for a caterpillar."
"Once we played the Palace, now we're playing just for Alice!"

We're partners through thick and thin,
They'll never split us apart,
Just let that orchestra start and there we'll be! --
As long as these old straw hats still fit us
And those hot spotlights hit us,
They'll never split us,
No, they'll never split us. ("Just let 'em try")
They'll never split us apart! --
"Oh yeah!"


Today's a Wonderful Day - Doris Drew and Bill Dana

Today's a wonderful day!
Lock your troubles in the attic;
It's a day to feel ecstatic!
Today's a wonderful day!
Birds are chirpin', buds are bloomin';
What a pleasure to be human!
As the grasshoppers hop I can just hear 'em say,
"What a one, two, three, one, two, three wonderful day!
So throw those worries away!
Just be happy! 'Cause today's a wonderful day!

Oh, it's a wonderful day!
Trees are waving, bees are bumbling;
I won't listen to your grumbling!
The sky is bluer than blue,
Frogs are chuckling, fish are wiggling;
It's a day that's made for giggling!
If you're too proud to giggle then practice a smile,
And you'll find it's not difficult after a while!
It's just the day to be gay!
Where's that dimple? Hey today's a wonderful day!

It's not a terrible day!
Though it's humid and it's smoggy;
And you haven't found your doggy!
I've seen worse days than today,
I feel healthy, I feel hearty;
I might throw myself a party!
It's a day when you puff out your chest and you say,
"Send me sixteen or seventeen dragons to slay!"
I feel like yelling "Hooray!"
So I'll yell it! ("Hooray!") Today's a wonderful day!

Today's a wonderful day!
Lock your troubles in the attic;
It's a day to feel ecstatic!
Today's a wonderful day!
Birds are chirpin', buds are bloomin';
What a pleasure to be human!
As the grasshoppers hop I can just hear 'em say,
"What a one, two, three, one, two, three wonderful day!
So throw those worries away,
Call me silly, call me sappy,
But I've never felt so happy,
And so I snappily say --
Today's a wonderful day! -- "Ole!"


I'm Home (production version) - Doris Drew

It's an av'rage house, that's all,
And my room is sort of small,
But I just can't wait to call,
"I'm home!" --

When I hear my mother say,
"Don't yack on that phone all day!"
Daddy laughs and right away
I'm home! --

I never thought I'd miss the helping with the dishes,
Or doing my geometry;
But when you're somewhere else you get the strangest wishes
And home is where you want to be!

It's true -- it's lots of fun to go,
Coming back is better, though;
Gee, won't it be great to know
I'm home! -- ("Hey, ev'rybody!")
I'm home! --


I'm Home (popular version)

It's an av'rage house, that's all,
And the yard is sort of small,
But I just can't wait to call,
"I'm home!" --

Then the [doll]/[guy] I've missed all day
Runs across the room to say,
"Hello you" and right away
I'm home! --

I never thought I'd miss the [helping with]/[dusting and] the dishes,
Or shopping at the A. & P.;
But when you're somewhere else you get the strangest wishes
And home is where you want to be!

Travel's fine, it's nice to go,
Coming back is better, though;
And it's always great to know
I'm home! --
I'm home! --


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